Naruto Lands Of Shinobi
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Uzumaki Kite


Posts : 30
Age : 19
Village : Kemurigakure
Rank : Gennin

Ninja Info
Jutsu Tokens:
1/1  (1/1)

PostSubject: Oshi Clan FINISHED   Sat Jul 27, 2013 8:54 pm

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Clan Name: Oshi

Bloodline Name: Juumoku

Bloodline Ability: Telekinesis

Location: Scattered

Clan History: This clan is only a few generations old, but in that time, they managed to spread. The founder of the clan was the first to gain their kekkeigenkai, and with it's power, he quickly plowed his way across the map, leaving a wake of fallen enemies and toppled queens behind him. His direct descendants were all seen to also posess his same, strange doujutsu. Most of them were outcasts, as the instability and unreliable nature of the jutsu itself proved to be the downfall of anyone who tried to use it. Mental health was often a problem in members of the clan, but there were a few who managed to cope with the stress.
Clan traits: Members if the clan often are born with red eyes, but this is not always the case. The symbol of the clan is also something that is displayed on attire worn by Oshi.
Clan Weaknesses: Their particular doujutsu comes with quite a few drawbacks. Continued use in a short period of time can lead to doubled vision, and the stress put on the eyes and mind can lead to splitting headaches. Once a member uses the final stage in their doujutsu's power more than five times within a time period of one week IRL, the doubled vision would be so bad that their focus could only be put on a single image, splitting the focus and dividing the power of their telekinesis in half, making the D rank useless, the B rank as strong as the D rank, and the S rank as strong as the B rank, but they keep their drawbacks. This effect takes three days IRL during which time there can be no usage of the doujutsu, or else the eyes will not heal, and the timer will be reset. If a member of the Oshi clan has been pushed to the point where he uses his doujutsu three times regardless of the fact that it's power had been lowered, they will lose sight in one of their eyes, making it useless and permanently halving their doujutsu's power. The doujutsu itself's main weakness is that it's power cannot affect a RPC directly.
Requirements: Born into the clan with pure Oshi blood.
Members Unknown Exactly




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Hirano Arumi

Posts : 543

Ninja Info
Jutsu Tokens:
0/1  (0/1)

PostSubject: Re: Oshi Clan FINISHED   Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:45 am

  • 75 kilos seems a bit much for D-rank, maybe a little lower.
  • Being able to use telekinesis on something that someone else is holding or wearing could be a problem rulewise, maybe have a note that it doesn't work on something somebody is directly touching.


Approved Missions:
D: 2
C: 3
B: 1
A: 0
S: 0

Rank-up points: 13

How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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Kenji Jinsei


Posts : 183
Village : Kemurigakure
Rank : Genin

Ninja Info
Jutsu Tokens:
1/1  (1/1)

PostSubject: Re: Oshi Clan FINISHED   Tue Jul 30, 2013 5:12 am

In addition to what Hira stated I would like to clarify a few things.

  • When you say "final stage" in "Once a member uses the final stage in their doujutsu's power more than five times within a time period of one week IRL..." are you referring to the S-Rank version of telekinesis or the telekinesis in general? If the S-Rank version you would need to change it to add that the lower ranks also contribute, which would be easiest to do in a point system where each rank causes an X amount of deterioration and once a threshold is crossed it triggers the halving weakness. If the telekinesis in general then what you have is fine, but I would remove "the final stage in" in order to avoid confusion, as you do not have previous non-telekinetic stages of which to speak of.
  • Regarding what you mention in the sentence "This effect takes three days IRL during which time there can be no usage of the doujutsu, or else the eyes will not heal, and the timer will be reset." I assume you mean that if you use the dojutsu within those three days it resets the timer and the eyes will remain in their current state. It's just that one could read it and assume that you mean the eyes will permanently set, which would mean that the halving would permanently set and rendering the timer reset pointless to mention.
  • I would also suggest mentioning the different ranks share a cool down period since being able to use all three one after the other would be a bit op. So if you use the B-Rank version you would need to wait three posts before you could use any version at all again.
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