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 Agito

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Agito

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Posts : 43
Village : Kemui
Rank : S

Ninja Info
Jutsu Tokens:
1/1  (1/1)

PostSubject: Agito   Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:42 pm


❊  Agito❊


"Lets Play in Your Mind."

Personal Information


NICKNAME(S): Aggi
AGE: 33
GENDER: Male
BLOOD TYPE: AB
VILLAGE: Kemuri

    VILLAGE RANK: Head Jounin
    SKILL RANK: S
    EXTRAS:
    Appearance Information


    HEIGHT: 6ft
    WEIGHT: 164
    HAIR COLOR: Black
    EYE COLOR: Blue
    MEASUREMENTS: Waist Size is 30 by 30
    LOOKS IMAGE:
    LOOKS DESCRIPTION: Well Sculpted from his Taijutsu training, he has black hair with blue eyes, a few scars from past fights, usually wears wraps around his hands and ankles, keeps his hair back out of his face, wears the usual Jounin cloths, flak jacket black under shirt,short sleeved, long black pants with pockets filled with the usual ninja tools, has his village's symbol on his shoulders and the back of the flak, he wears the normal sandels over the wraps on his feet
    Personality Information


    PERSONALITY INFORMATION: He likes to stay Cool headed in situations and stays in control, he is always Rational, very Sociable, and is Adaptable to all situations weather combat or conversation changes.Unfortunatly he is very Critical on himself and others, can be indesisive, tends to be forgetful, can be irresponsible at times, and once in awhile seems as if he has a split personality.The Split personality is quite the opposent them him, so if he was to switch to this personality then he becomes hot headed and losses control, a very scary site for someone on his bad side.

[list]
With his past he does not like to be left behind, abondenment issues, he also don't like to see ones he cares about hurt, will do anything to protect them, but if they are hurt this usually triggers his personality flip and he wont hold back in the second personality, but also don't know the difference of friend or foe.
LIKES: Likes Stratigy games, Reading, and Relaxing
DISLIKES: Stupidity, Uptight's, and arrogance
CATCH PHRASE(S): "Lets Play in your mind"
NINDO: Protects those close to him, keeps control of all situations he can possibly control
Equipment Information


SIMPLE EQUIPMENT: Smoke bombs, Kunai, Nin Stars
Combat Information


CLAN:N/A
JUTSU SPECIALTIES:

    Main: Nin
    Sub: Tai, Gen


ELEMENTAL AFFINITY(S):

    Main: Lightning
    Sub: Fire,Earth

SPECIAL CHARACTERISTICS: 
  • Enhanced Speed - 30% faster on feet and with handsigns
  • 30% strength increase
  • When LAR is active if someone trys a sneak attack he can sense it coming due to the lightning around him communicating with his nerves system

[list]
FLAWS/WEAKNESSES: 
  • Medical Ninjutsu takes 30% longer to heal him
  • Takes 30% more damage from Kenjutsu
  • Split personality reduces effectiveness of his genjutsu by one rank
    Jutsu Information


 

    Other Jutsu:
     


    Name: Katon Ryuuka no Jutsu [Dragon Fire Technique]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: C
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: A versatile technique utilized with a set of wires or similar burnable objects, the user will release flames from their mouth on a number of "Chains". These chains will cross the battlefield to a point where they all meet, impacting each other and creating a fiery blast. The object of this technique is to maneuver a foe into one of these traps, a difficult feat due to both the time required to set up the correct positions as well as the danger of the foe. Nonetheless, Ryuuka is a potent technique.


    Name: Katon Housenka no Jutsu [Mythical Fire Phoenix Technique]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: C
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: Similar to Goukakyuu, Katon Housenka releases flames from the mouth, drawing into the necessary components and then igniting them. Housenka no jutsu, however, does not focus the chakra into one simple large entity but infact releases a number of fireballs simultaneous from the mouth. Each fireball is small, but the sheer number of them can make it difficult to face. This just releases on an average a dozen fireballs.


    Name: Katon Gouryuuka no Jutsu [Great Dragon Fire Technique]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: B
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: Katon Gouryuuka no jutsu forms a great dragon made of raging flames and releases it at an opponent. The technique is difficult to dodge due to the dragon's speed and the user's ability to redirect it mid-flight. It strikes by swallowing it's enemy whole, engulfing the enemy in it's hot flaming body. The jutsu is difficult to control however, due to's its unstable nature.


    Name: Katon Haisekishou [Burning Ash Accumulation]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: B
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: A special jutsu that releases a great smog from the mouth, enveloping a foe in a great black cloud that blinds those within. The true purpose of this jutsu, however, is the fact that it can be ignited by the smallest of flames, allowing the shinobi to turn the smog into a fiery death trap. A second technique or item must be used to ignite the smog.


    Name: Katon Kaenhoushaki [Flame Thrower]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: B
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: The technique is more or less it's name- The jutsu allows the user to release a steady jet of flame towards an enemy, powerfully impacting whatever it touches and burning it. The jutsu, if done properly, can be performed for long durations of time, albeit wasting chakra all the while. The flamethrower can also be directed in a different direction, as well as function while the user is moving.


    Name: Katon Zukokku [Head Mincing Pain]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: A
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: A rather powerful fire technique that is used in a destructive fashion. The user, like most fire-based jutsus, will gather chakra and air into the mouth and release flames. This technique, however, greatly multiplies the amount of fire released, the flames racing forward as a great beast-like missile of fire, taking down everything it touches as it roars towards a foe.


    Name: Katon Ryuki Funshutsu [Rising Eruption]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Katon
    Rank: A
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: An indirect technique, the ninja instead of shooting fire towards an opponent will release flames into the ground, spinning the fire into a drill of sorts which will race underground, burning a tunnel until it falling beneath a foe, where it will then shoot upward like geyser, surrounding a foe in a pillar of deadly flames.


    Name: Yomi Numa [Swamp of the Underworld]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Doton
    Rank: A
    Orientation: Defensive, Offensive
    Effects: This jutsu turns a large area of land into a sinking swampland, making it impossible for anyone or anything in that area to move around. The mud of the swamp is extremely adhesive, weighting down upon an enemy and thus making their movement sluggish. Due to the fact that the jutsu can be used from a great distance and the size may be from a small pool to a great swamp, it makes this technique difficult to "Dodge". Over time, foes will be dragged down, the tar-like pool swallowing foes whole.


    Name: Doton Dorou Doumu [Earth Dome Prison]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Doton
    Rank: B
    Orientation: Offensive, Defensive
    Effects: An odd ninjutsu that functions similarly to how dirt reacts with water. The ninja will entrap an enemy via earth, causing it to rise and surround an enemy. Enemies caught within the dome will unable to simply escape. The walls of the prision are constantly charged by the user's chakra, making the mud strong as stone and regenerating over time. Not only this, for prison also drains the user's chakra, sapping it away to fuel the their own demise. However, the jutsu has two key weakness- First being that the user must remain in contact with the dome to keep it functioning. Second, the distance furthest away from the user will receive chakra slower, making it regenerate slower. Alternatively, this doton jutsu may instead be used around the user as a defense, retaining it's regenerative qualities, but lacking the weakness. All enemies within the prison will be lose two additional chakra each turn.


    Name: Doryou Dango [Mausoleum Earth Dumpling]
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Sub-type: Doton
    Rank: B
    Orientation: Offensive
    Effects: This jutsu draws upon the soil before the user and begins forming it into a great sphere. This ball is composed of dirt crushed firmly together, where it can be then easily flung at opponents. Because of it's composition, it will then roll after landing, crushing enemies via flight or roll. The size of the dumpling exceeds that of a house, and is difficult to stop.


    Name: Shindosachi [Shock Touch]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: D
        Orientation: Supplementary, Offensive
        Effects: A technique which acts similarly how one can channel static electrcity through a person by merely contacting them, this move consists electrifying the user's chakra throughout the body and projecting it upon touching an opponent, sending a jolt of electricity through their body, painfully attacking via the nerves. This jutsu may be maintained.


        Name: Raiton: Juudenki [Charger]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: D
        Orientation: Supplementary
        Effects: An electrical technique that sends a surge of electricity through the body, causing mild pain through the nervous system. The purpose of this is to force the body to be aware, giving pain in order to "Re-start" the system. This is useful for preventing the body from falling unconsious, assisting one when disoriented, and aiding in concentration. This effect does not break genjutsus, though depending on the illusion may aide them in resisting it.


        Name: Raiton: Denryuu [Electrical Current]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: D
        Orientation: Offensive
        Effects: Denryuu allows the user to focus their chakra to the tip of their fingers and release a beam of lightning, which will shoot forward to impale a target. Small and brittle, the technique is nonetheless useful for striking from a distance, and can be seen as a "Sniping" technique.


        Name: Raikyuu [Lightning Ball]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: C
        Orientation: Offensive
        Effects: A technique in which the user projects their chakra by bouncing the energy between their hands, causing a resonating effect with their energy. By adding elemental control, the sphere will then take on a charge, sparking into existing and creating a ball of lightning. This sphere can then be thrown at an enemy, electrocuting anything it touches in a blast of energy.


        Name: Raiton: Raisehou [Lightning Torrent Gun]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: C
        Orientation: Defensive, Offensive
        Effects: This technique is a close-range jutsu that consists of focusing electrified chakra to the palm of the user's hand, condensing it until the jutsu is utilized. Upon usage, the stored electricity will spray forward randomly, striking anything near the spray of lightning, deflecting projectiles, striking foes, and defending the user from earth-based techniques.



        Name: Ikadzuchi no Kiba [Lightning Bolt Fang]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: C
        Orientation: Offensive
        Effects: A lightning ninjutsu that attacks indirectly, first concentrating the electrical power before shooting it into the sky, where it will then arc down again at an opponent. While in the air it will take the form of a bolt, firing itself at an opponent and piercing anything in it's way. Because of the slight delay, the move can not be used quickly, however, it can avoid obstacles that directly interfere with it's path.


        Name: Raigeki no Yoroi [Lightning Strike Armor]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: B
        Orientation: Supplementary, Defensive
        Effects: A technique that begins in an identical fashion as Ikadzuchi- However, the bolt will instead shoot downward back upon the user, impacting their body and surrounding them with chaotic lightning. Surging around the Shinobi, a glowing armor of lightning will be created. This armor will shield the body by having electricity lash out at anything that nears the target, as well as make any contact or weapons the user uses to be engulfed in the energy as well, adding a shocking effect to any blows they do. Because of this dual nature, getting near one using Raigeku no Yoroi is a dangerous task.


        Name: Gian [False Darkness]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: B
        Orientation: Offensive
        Effects: A lightning-based jutsu which charges a great bolt of lightning, springing forth from the user's mouth and shooting off at an enemy. This missile is particularly destructive, rendering everything near into rubble as it shoots off at a foe, impaling them and at the same time shocking their body. Its strength is such that most barriers will fail to protect the user, for even if the actual bolt itself does not strike you, the electrical energy may still pass into you.


        Name: Raiokami [Lightning Wolf]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: B
        Orientation: Offensive, Defensive
        Effects: A ninjutsu that calls forth a beast of thunder, it's body stemming from your hand and forming into a dire wolf. This creature, as long as the user is maintaining the chakra from the hand to the beast, will move to the user's will, springing forth at foes with it's charged fangs or acting a shield- whatever the situation requires. The Raiokami's body is easily disrupted, however, the user may reform its body by paying 1 more chakra for maintaining. Because it consists of lightning, the Raiokami is as fast as it.


        Name: Ikadzuchi no Utage [Lightning Bolt Feast]
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: A
        Orientation: Offensive
        Effects: Like it's predecessors, Ikadzuchi consists of the ninja releasing a blast of lightning. This jutsu uses far more chakra however, causing the capabilities of the jutsu to be improved. Upon being shot into the sky, it shall split into a score of bolts, the barrage of bolts raining down upon a foe.


        Rairyuu no Tatsumaki [Lightning Dragon Tornado]
        Name:
        Type: Ninjutsu
        Sub-type: Raiton
        Rank: A
        Orientation: Offensive, Defensive
        Effects: Rairyuu is a jutsu that spins an electircal field around the user, rotating it at gradually increasing speed and expanding the size of it. These conditions will cause a great cyclone of lightning to rage into existence. This tornado surrounding the user will move with the user- So striding towards a foe will cause Rairyuu to move with you. The rotating lightning casts as a blade, slicing anything near it and releasing small bolts of lightning erradically.


    Name: Chidori Nagashi -Chidori Stream
    Canon/Custom: Canon
    Element: Raiton
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Rank: A
    Jutsu Prerequisites: Chidori
    Description: This is a ninjutsu developed by Sasuke Uchiha during his training with Orochimaru. By releasing the Chidori in every direction, an electrical discharge flows from the user's entire body allowing him to affect multiple enemies. When using this attack on a great number of enemies at once, it can effectively double as an instant defence. The body of the person touched by the Chidori will misinterpret the lightning nature as "electrical signals from the nerves", making its muscles contract. This causes the body to involuntarily go stiff, while at the same time receives damage. This attack can also be channelled through the ground to increase the range of the attack






    Name: Chidori Senbon
    Canon/Custom: Canon
    Element: Raiton
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Rank: A
    Jutsu Prerequisites: Chidori
    Description: This is one of many variations of the Chidori that uses shape transformation. It is specialised in more speed, by being transformed into countless sharp senbon, all aimed at the enemy. By increasing the amount of chakra used, the number of senbon also increases. It can become even more effective by using it together with the Sharingan, allowing the user to precisely shoot for the enemy's vital points




    Name: Chidori Eisō - Chidori Sharp Spear
    Canon/Custom: Canon
    Element: Ration
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Rank: A
    Jutsu Prerequisites: Chidori
    Description: The original Chidori gained its power by shaping it into a form sufficient for an electrical discharge and using it together with the user's own "thrust". This technique uses shape transformation to form the original Chidori into a spear or blade-shape, adapting it for mid-range attacks with a maximum range of about five metres.[2] Although it's less powerful than the Chidori, its increased range means there is less of a risk to the user. It also has the advantage of being able to be used for surprise attacks and capturing.
    When the enemy's body is pierced, the user can alter the spear's shape into multiple additional blades, increasing the number of wounds.[3] The blade can also be swung in order to cut things as well as cause fatal injuries.





    Name: Raikiri - Lightning Blade
    Canon/Custom: Canon
    Element: Raiton
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Rank: S
    Jutsu Prerequisites: Ox → Rabbit → Monkey
    Description: The Lightning Cutter is an enhanced and concentrated form of the Chidori with the same effects and drawbacks. According to Might Guy, it gained its name after Kakashi split a bolt of lightning with it.[2] Because the Chidori is already powerful on its own, the Lightning Cutter requires better chakra control, which is exemplified in its appearance. The Chidori appears as simply a mass of white electrical chakra in the user's hand, while the Lightning Cutter is more focused (and blue in the anime). In Part I, Kakashi is limited to using it four times in one day,[3] but by Part II, he can use it at least six times in one day.


    Kakashi has shown different ways of forming and using the Lightning Cutter. During his confrontation with Orochimaru in Part I, he creates it without using hand seals.[4] In Part II, he is able to form a Lightning Cutter in both of his hands to counteract Kakuzu's Lightning Release: False Darkness.[5]
    Kakashi later demonstrated the ability to imbue a projectile weapon, such as a kunai, with his Lightning Cutter, granting the technique long-range capabilities. In this instance, the kunai was capable of piercing through multiple large rocks with ease, without any loss of momentum or change in trajectory.[6]
    In Naruto Shippūden 3: Inheritors of the Will of Fire, when this technique was copied by Hiruko, he used the electrical energy to surge around the area, increasing the range of damage, allowing him to attack Naruto's clones at a mid-range distance.






    Name: Raiden - Lightning Transmission
    Canon/Custom: Canon
    Element: Raiton
    Type: Ninjutsu
    Rank: S
    Jutsu Prerequisites: Shadow Clone, Raikiri
    Description: Using the aid of a shadow clone, Kakashi and the clone each perform the Lightning Cutter technique on opposite hands to one another. Connecting their techniques together, they form a chain of lightning between themselves that is able to slice through objects such as tailed beasts' chakra arms with great ease.
 
Limited jutsu's:
 
Genjutsu:
 
Taijutsu:
 
Academy Jutsu:
 
 
History Information


HISTORY
After Agito was born he was left to the academy so he was never given a proper last name and so because he belonged to Kemui he was given the last name Kemui, he sat by when he was young watching all the kids go through the acadamey till he as of age to go through, he had mastered the academy jutsu at a young age but as he went through learning new jutsu he was one of the fastest on foot and with hand signing, he graduated third in school, the other two he saw as rivals ever since.
When he was assigned a Cell he was happy to work ad lay his live on the line for his comrades, his sensi taught him many things like to cover your own weakness, so when he learned he had lightning affinity he would go through the Chunnin exams and went to look for a teacher to teach him Fire affinity and jutsu's to cover his wind weakness.
While in the mission to become Jounin  he learned he had a new weakness though, Water, so he went looking yet again for another Sensi to teach him Earth style's to make him an evened out Ninjutsu specialist, he found himself leaning towards Taijutsu's aswell with his natural speed, he wanted to increase his speed to peak, but never being as fast as he wanted to be, he thought of a new way to keep his prey still, Genjutsu's and so he went out learning Genjutsu's  so that he could keep them still while he killed them his skills eventually lead him to becoming the Head Jounin in Kemuigakure and the partnership with the Keukage...Vox.
In his past Agito was very active on missions and he had quickly gotten a price on his head in the underground runnings of some evil ninja, so every now and then they come after him for the price on his head.
Now he protects Vox and fights beside him in any fight he goes into, this deadly combo is to be feared.
 
Miscellaneous Information


RP SAMPLE
One day Kikato was walking around and he gets a sudden summon to the Kage,he would report immediatly and bow as he entered,smiling at her"Hello Sir,what do you need today?" he asks and she already is answering back with"You need to go back to the Silver Country,an old friend is in danger from a group of Samurai,go find her and protect her" she finishes and hands him a paper with the full directions on it on what he had to do and who he had to go after so he would give her a nod,and then head out,already packed with his gourd,his paper bombs,smoke bombs,kunai,shuriken,and food pills.Kikato will head towards the entrance of the village and turn back for a moment like before as he continues on out to the woods outside of the mountain that the village is in,he travels till night time and he takes the night to rest,in the morning he would make himself breakfast and then packs his stuff up and sets off again,traveling one third of the way,just as he did last time,but also made it a little further before night fell once more,he once again made camp,he would do as he always did,make dinner then go to sleep,waking up just before the sun rise and making breakfast and heading of as soon as there was light,and then when the night fell once more he was at the village,he would see it mostly destroyed as the female he escorted a couple months ago comes running up to him,she was battered and dirty,seems as if shes been barly survivng,he would just take her to the top of a local hill and make camp and lets her eat,then sleep peacefully,and when morning hit he told her to go to Yama and wait for him to return with any news before comming back,she would listen to him and he would give her whats left of his rations and sends her to Yama,then he would turn around and go into the town waiting for the samurai come back,he fell asleep as he waited.
 
The Next morning when he woke up he saw movement in the distance and he would stand up looking out to them,after a few minutes he could tell it was the samurai,there was a great number,maybe about 300,not to good of odds in his favor, was his thoughts,and he would walk out to meet them and he annunced when he was about 15 yards from them"I am Kikato Rinku,Guardian of Yamagakure,And your messing with people we have an alliance with,for your actions you will be killed,prepare yourselves" when he was done he took his gourd off his back and drew his sword and a kunai,he prepared for an attack,meanwhile the samurai laughed at him and they spoke You againest us? your one ninja against three hundred samurai,so prepare to die and a group of five of them charged at him,he waited till they were in front of him and began to block and swing,killing off each Samurai within seconds of the next,this was simple let them charge him in fives he thought,another set of five charged,these one were more skilled he could tell as he fought them,they were harder to kill and catch off guard,then as he turned ten more was already right there infront of him and he did all he could to keep them off him,as he won that small battle he would throw the kunai into the group of them and kills one,now the total he killed is twenty one,leaveing two hundred and seventy nine,seeing this twenty of them charge,and he takes a kunai with a bomb out his pocket and throws it,the samurai would move their head out of the way till it exploded in the middle of the group,now his total was at two hundred fifty nine,another twenty charges and kikato would charge at them after a moment and using fluid movement he begins to slice and dice the enemys,two thirty nine is left,twenty five think they can take him,and they charge at him,seeing how many there are he would draw a paper bomb from his pocket and when they meet he would begin to cut the first five down and the sixth one he would flip over her and slap a bomb on their back then while in the air he holds a hand sign and makes it blow up taking out the other twenty,while he had jumped in the air,three others would chrage thinking they could catch him off guard till he came spinning down with his blade cutting the helemt of one and he would spin till he hit the ground and as he hit the ground the blade would be pulled out and go into the back of another one,and then he would dodge the other two blades so that they kill each other and he jumps up from between the two blades,and looks at the other two hundred and one,now there is one standing out in front and he smiles and shouts to Kikato"Well your very skilled my name is Eutame Shichinin and you Kikato will die here!" Kikato would shake his head an say "i refuse to die" and when he says that fifty samurai charge at him,when they charge he would wait till the last second to use smoke bombs and then when they were blinded he would begin to cut each and everyone down,when the wind blows away the smoke they can see him finishing off the last of the samurai in the group and he would turn around,the rest of them Except Eutame Shichinin would charge at once,and Kikato would run back to his gourd real quick and sheeth his sword and turn around using the hand sign for Snake,and waited,once they were in range he began his jutsu "Magma Release:Quicklime Congeal" and with this attack he would make a sticky substance that make a river like body in front of him,he spewed each inch from his mouth and then he would wait,when the samurai was almost at him and there was about ten that didnt step in it,it hardened and the samurai began to freak as they couldnt move their feet,Kikato would draw his sword again and begin to dispatch of each and everyone,Kikato would be covered in blood,the ten left would look terrified as Kikato would then turn around and face them,he dropped his sword and began to weave hand signs and he said"Magma Release:Molten assult" and as he did Magma from the gourd began to flow out and around Kikato,wrapping his hands up to his elbows,and his feet up to his knees,as well as his forehead and down the sides of his face,hardening into his armor of magma,he would then charge at the last ten and begins to flip and kick,while swinging his elbows and fists,each hit would make a sizzle sound as skin began to burn,and while some would be crushed under the force of the hits allow some would burn to death,screamming in pain.
 
When He was done he looked over at the Head samurai and says"your turn" and then Eutame would begin to walk away yelling"I will get my Revenge Kikato RInku,i will never foreget your name or your face till i have my revenge!!" Seeing him run Kikato would turn around and head back home,he would take a few days to get back home but upon his arrival into the Kages chamber he would explain about Eutame getting away and he would be told it is ok and to go rest and shower up,he would nod and go to shower the blood off,and then goes out to let the Samurai know what happened,and she would say thats its ok we will get him eventually,so he would go home and begins to charge his chakra and sleep,then the next morning he would take a stroll around the village
 
Word Count=1420
 
OTHER DETAILS:
FACE CLAIM N/A
ROLE PLAYER'S NAME Agito

    PASSWORD Admin Checked


Last edited by Agito on Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:35 pm; edited 36 times in total
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Amaterasu
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:14 am

「 PENDING 」




「 Place a WIP in the title. 」



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Hirano Arumi
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Mon Jun 17, 2013 7:50 am


  • You need to put together Jutsu descriptions for Chidori and LRA.
  • Need detailed special characteristics and weaknesses. I also don't think that pure elements are under special characteristics, that should probably be noted with elements.

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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Mon Jun 17, 2013 8:35 pm

A little added in here LRA with a pure element is not allowed ill say that now as it is major Op since lighting release armor on its own its powerful. imagine a lighting bolt it will be like that or kirin speed which is hell no. You also listed nara as your clan which would require you have the shadow element. That here is a KKG so 1 limited if that is the case chidori or lightning armor.

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Amaterasu
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Tue Jun 18, 2013 7:52 pm

Add a paragraph for appearence about the same length as persona I dont like having just a picture. Also expand your persona another paragraph for an S rank spot.

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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:27 pm

Added
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Hirano Arumi
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:31 pm

  • You're way over the 40 starting jutsu limit for your rank, go through it and trim down a bit.
  • There's a lot of extra spacing in LRA, clean that up a bit.

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How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:43 pm

Done
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:46 am

  • Special characteristics are still on the new template, they're referred to as strengths there. Put some in or at least remove the placeholder text.
  • Be more specific on your weaknesses. How are you weak on kenjutsu usage? How much is the effectiveness of medical ninjutsu reduced?
  • Would prefer a little more detail on the history. Things he's done, important events in his life, etc.
  • LRA needs rank.
  • Verse of Black Darkness is banned. It was in the library section because of an oversight and has since been removed, sorry for the confusion.

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How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:21 am

Done...Again
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:32 am

  • Still hasn't specified on the medical ninjutsu. Does it take longer? Heal less? Is it more complicated? Some combination of the above?
  • In the history, Jounin promotion is done by the kage, not by exams. It's based on field experience. Also, Vox's title is Keukage.


Otherwise, seems good.

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How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:43 am

changes done
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:53 am

How much longer does medical ninjutsu take? Weaknesses usually have the same 30% cap as strengths, so take that into account.

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How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:36 pm

Finished
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:39 pm

Approved 1/2

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How Not to Write a Novel wrote:
Some writers are convinced that since great modern authors like Joyce and Faulkner are difficult to understand, writing that is difficult to understand is therefore great writing. This is a form of magical thinking, analogous to the belief that the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning.
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Amaterasu
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PostSubject: Re: Agito   Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:16 am

2/2

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